I have always wondered why my friend group diminished as I went through different phases.
At first I thought it had something to do with falling apart, growing up and choosing different scenarios to play out; to each their own.
Today I have come to realize that it’s not because people grow apart but it’s because I’ve noticed things about certain people I hadn’t been paying attention to before. Things I hated.
One of those were the fact that most of the people I once called friends had a tendency to bash me when we were in a group of friends.
When it came to speaking about weight or fitness, they mocked my body and said things like “you would never be able to hike up there.” And I would laugh along, silently cursing them.
They would underestimate me constantly. Saying that I’m nowhere near that peak in life or I’m not as smart enough to do that. At first I thought it was brutal honesty, but when I eventually did hike up that hill…. When I eventually did reach that peak of intelligence, I refused to tell them. Why? Because I felt as though they won’t be as appreciative of my success as I am.
I wouldn’t call it jealousy.
But I wouldn’t call it friendship either.